New Years

Happy new year! 2007... getting closer and closer to 2010, and worse, 2013 (when I turn 30! Scary.)

This holiday break has been up and down for me. Great distractions seeing friends and playing with technology (lots of tech toys this Christmas), but I've also been unable to stop thinking about Janet pretty much all the time. I think about her when I go to bed, when I wake up as I lie there for hours unable to get up, when I'm bored.

I feel like we're all marching on some battle field, and there's gun fire all around but most of it misses. Every so often though someone gets hit, at random pretty much. Its unfair, but what is fairness? Its not right, but what is right? To me, life has lost all notions of rules. In the grand scheme of things anything goes. I feel sick.

I'm told time will heal. I feel like time will only numb. I feel like an amputee having phantom pains. My brain still thinks Janet is there. I can't help it, she still is as far as I'm concerned. But I realize everyone I know and myself will get older, will change, and Janet won't. I don't know what that will be like.

I miss you Janet. I'm trying to move on.